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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Bad Time To Be Honest

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DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"
 Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
 DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only please."
 Contestant: "Brian."
 DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
 Brian: "Yes."
 DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
 Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
 DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
 Brian: "Sara."
 DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
 Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
 DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
 Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
 DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
 Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
 DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
 Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
 DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
 Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
 DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
 Brian: "About 10 minutes."
 DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."


 Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
 DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?"
 Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
 DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
 Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
 DJ: "Uh huh..."
 Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
 DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
 Brian: "On the kitchen table."
 DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."-3 minutes of commercials follow
 DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"(touch tones.... ringing....)
 Clerk: "Kinkos."
 DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
 Clerk: "This is she."
 DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
 Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
 DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away o r you'll lose. So do you know the rules of 'MateMatch'?"
 Sarah: "No."
 DJ: "Good!"
 Brian: (laughing)
 Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
 Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
 DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando , Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?"
 Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."


 DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
 Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
 DJ: "What time?"
 Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
 DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
 Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
 DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"
 Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
 DJ: "Where did you have it?"
 Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
 Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
 DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
 Sarah: "Well, it's just that my mom is vacationing with us and..."
 DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
 Sarah: "Up the ass....."
 After a long pause, the DJ said, "OK Folks, we need to take a station break......

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